I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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