the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
