Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
