No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
grandma shit on top of the toilet
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
