did you get engaged???
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
