11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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