Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
