turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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