On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
