You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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