I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
