I will die if light touches me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just found a bag of teeth...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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