Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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