i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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