That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize