Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize