do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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