I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
