So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
