Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
