There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
