She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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