I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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