I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
