got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
