sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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