i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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