So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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