your thong is hanging out like whoa
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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