I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
