I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
