Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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