I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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