At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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