Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
