it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
