i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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