How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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