I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
