There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
