i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
