After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize