I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
