Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
