I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
