Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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