Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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