Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
