i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
