The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
