oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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