God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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