that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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