It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
