I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
