you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
