I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
