that's an acceptable place to lick
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
