i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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