Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
