The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
