I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
