I cockslap morals
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
