I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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