My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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