yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
