he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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