I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
