So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
