Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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