they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
