are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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