this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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