'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
