I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
