I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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