I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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