I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i would punch a child for taco bell
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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