I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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