told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
