I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
