I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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