That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
