I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Will exercising make me less horny?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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