do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
