Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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