i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
