I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
