physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
