Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
