So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
