So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
