Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
