I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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