listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
