jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
