my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize