I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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