im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
