Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
