I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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