one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize