I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
