it's too hot outside to masturbate.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she smelled like a LAN party
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
